You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
