All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
4 words: hood of his car
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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