we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
