He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
