I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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