I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is Oprah even human
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
