so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
