I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
