We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
