can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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