How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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