Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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