I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
