I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
