just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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