Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
