A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
