There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
