I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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