when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
