is your mom at the bar?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
