It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
