my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
