nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
