The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
