Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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