how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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