at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
