1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
