ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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