Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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