I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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