am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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