Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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