It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
