he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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