I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
