Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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