im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
