new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
