i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
