Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
