I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
