i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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