What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
