my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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