I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize