U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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