is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize