I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize