I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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