I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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