I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize