Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
