btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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