the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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