Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
