I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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