just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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