i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
