Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
