Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
