question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
