wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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