kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
