Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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