Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Alive.
So much puke
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
