i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
