kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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