Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
