ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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