If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
