I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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