no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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