Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
