so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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