Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
