Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
