As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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